My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
