Your mouth is God's brothel.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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