HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
