I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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