angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
