I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
