Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
