He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
