If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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