i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what day is it and did you see me today?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?