Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.