Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
