planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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