I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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