Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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