My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
