Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
