Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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