I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
