Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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