dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
