By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
