someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
