I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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