I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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