I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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