ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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