Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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