Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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