Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
