Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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