Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
