If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
