WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
