I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
