I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
