Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
