I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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