I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
