How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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