I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
