I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
