She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
