She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
