her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize