i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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