i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business