her vagine was all disorganized.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration