I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet