the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.