peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.