so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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