Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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