he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
