By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
