dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize