I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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