shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
