Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
