I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize