I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
