She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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