woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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