Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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