great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
