he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
