Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
