I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
