so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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