then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
