Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
