Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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