Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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