in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
