i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
