you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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