I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
