He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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