the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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