1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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