I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
