i barfeds in our rink
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
