What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found puke in my bra..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
