I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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