FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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