Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
